What to say (and not to say) to someone who is sick

As someone who watched their best friend go through cancer, here are some tips on what to say (and not to say) to someone who is sick. Obviously it depends on the person but this is just based my own personal experience watching a 30 year old female to through her biggest struggle in life.

Things you should avoid saying:

  1. What can I do to help?” This puts the burden of answering the question back on them. They don’t want to feel vulnerable. It is ok to ask this question if you just rephrase it. Do you need help with ***?” Or just do something for them. Sometimes it can be something as mundane as cleaning their house or filling up their car with gas.

  2. I will pray for you OR My thoughts and prayers are with you OR We’ll keep you in our thoughts” Great. Thanks. You and every other person who has come and visited me has said this. How about thoughts, prayers and a cheesecake or something next time. I will say though that if it is your 86 year old, very religious, rosary 3 times a day, grandmother they will probably really appreciate this one, especially if they know you are not super religious.

  3. Have you tried the milk thistle I sent you?” Once people start hearing you have cancer they like to prepare grandmas old cure-all receipe for you or tell you about some folklore medical tincture that they heard about. If you really believe something will help, give me the milk thistle, maybe some articles about it and I’ll decide if I want to take it or not.

  4. Hey man, everything will be fine OR everything will be ok” You are not a medical doctor. Your gut feeling is not compatabile with the MRI I just had.

  5. Looks like someone has a boo-boo OR How are we doing today young lady OR my my you look strong today” Dont infantilize adults

Things to say:

  1. Hey I did this for you OR hey I’m gonna go do this for you, is that OK?”.
  2. I’ll send you some stuff, dont bother writing thank you or sending me a message”.
  3. I’m gonna have food delievered to your house on friday”.
  4. I should get going” If I want you to stay I will tell you.
  5. I’m just gonna come and see you. We don’t have to talk”.

I adapted this from https://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/12/fashion/what-to-say-to-someone-whos-sick-this-life.html and my own experiences

April 10, 2021

How to get internet for free aka borrow your neighbors xfinity internet

As a person who leans towards frugality, when I purchased a new place, the first thing I thought was how am I going to handle the internet.

Trying to figure out a way to not pay, I setup a way of copying’ the comcast/xfinity signal that is broadcast throughout my complex. You might be asking why go to the trouble of making your own hotspot if I’m just using the xfinity hotspot? The reason is if you have electronics like a TV or Nest, you are going to want more control over what they are connected to. The best way of doing that is to have an in-home wifi that all the devices can connect to.

Doing a quick google search I stumbled upon this: https://security.stackexchange.com/questions/222589/is-it-possible-to-mac-spoof-xfinity-wireless

Which then led me to: https://cve.mitre.org/cgi-bin/cvename.cgi?name=CVE-2017-9475

Ingredients:

  • Asus RT-AC68U (preflashed from an ASUS T-mobile TM-AC1900)[1][2]
  • A computer
  • Xfinity wifi in the near vicinity

After purchasing the router I then proceeded to load tomato onto it [3]

At the time of this writing, you can find this for the RT-AC68U at this URL https://advancedtomato.com/downloads/router/rt-ac68u

  1. Make sure the router is switched off and then connect the router’s power supply.
  2. Disconnect all Ethernet cables, except for one, which should connect your computer to LAN port 1 on the router. If you have anything connected to the USB ports, it would be a good idea to disconnect those as well.
  3. Assign a static IP of 192.168.1.10 with a netmask of 255.255.255.0 to your computer.

Next step was to put the router into rescue mode

  1. With the router powered off, depress and hold the reset switch on the back of the router with your pencil eraser.
  2. While continuing to depress the reset switch, power on the router.
  3. Continue to hold the reset switch until the power LED begins to blink slowly.
  4. Release reset switch, the router is now in rescue mode.
  5. Open a browser and go to http://192.168.1.1.
  6. Click the Browse… button and select your AdvancedTomato firmware .trx file then click the Upload button to begin transferring the firmware. This could take a while, just be patient. Wait at least 10 minutes before giving up.
  7. Once the transfer is complete you’ll see the Upload completed” page. Click the Continue link and the router will reboot. Go ahead and wait until the router completes its reboot. This might take a while, maybe as long as 5 minutes. When the wireless LEDs light up steadily the router should be booted up.
  8. Optional Refer to [3] for instructions on clearing the NVRam. I did not have to do this.

Configure your router Point your browser to http://192.168.1.1 and login:

Username: root

Password: admin

After you login change your password

Now setup xfinity borrowing

  1. Grab another laptop, iphone, etc and connect to xfinity. Make sure your connecting to the 5ghz band. Take note of this products MAC address
  2. On your router go to BASIC : NETWORK : WIRELESS, Set the 5Ghz Wireless Mode to Wireless Client’ and set the SSID to the name of the 5Ghz xfinity hotspot you identified (probably xfinitywifi). Leave the other settings to Auto’ or the defaults and leave the security disabled. This is your router’s uplink to the hotspot.Click on MAC Address” and change it to the MAC address from step 1. Save the setting.
  3. Under BASIC : NETWORK : WIRELESS, Set the 2.4 Ghz Wireless Mode to Access Point’ and set the SSID to your proffered WiFi name (https://athlonsports.com/funny-wifi-names). This will be your connection for ALL your devices without having to sign-in to Comcast. Save the setting.
  4. Under BASIC : NETWORK : WAN, Set the type to DHCP and Wireless Client Mode to 5Ghz’. Save the setting. It may take a minute, but your Router should now link to the hotspot as it’s WAN port over 5Ghz and function as your own WiFi over 2.4 Ghz.
  5. Check the uplink under STATUS : OVERVIEW : WAN. This should have information about the IP#, Subnet, Gateway, DNS #’s that the Xfinity hotspot is providing to your Router.

Been using this for 6 months. Upfront costs: 2 hours and 100$. Money saved per month = 65$

Want to know how to prevent this: https://20somethingfinance.com/how-to-opt-out-of-comcast-public-wifi-hotspot/

[1] Purchased this: https://www.ebay.com/itm/ASUS-T-Mobile-TM-AC1900-Unlocked-Flash-Upgraded-RT-AC68U-AiMesh-and-AiProtection/202764203942?ssPageName=STRK%3AMEBIDX%3AIT&_trksid=p2060353.m2749.l2649

[2] How to flash: https://tedstechshack.com/2015/10/26/how-to-flash-advancedtomato-firmware-on-an-asus-rt-ac68u-router/

[3] Instructions gathered from here: https://tedstechshack.com/2015/10/26/how-to-flash-advancedtomato-firmware-on-an-asus-rt-ac68u-router/

Found this useful? Want to see other cool stuff I do? Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/OppositeInvict2

January 27, 2020